How to party like a rock star

On Wednesday I get a phone call from my friend, Hook Up Mitch. Hook Up Mitch is in promotions and scores me great concert tickets from time to time. I try not to ask him for these favors as I'm sure he is inundated with requests from all his friends and I don't want to make him feel dirty and used. I also don't want to lead the guy on, as I would only sleep with the mega stars and not the management. Teasing. Hook Up asks if I would like to see Nickleback and Three Doors Down on the next day to make up to me for my Bowie concert fiasco that went so horribly wrong. After I am done shrieking wildly with delight and pick myself up off the floor, I give him a big euthseastic YES once his hearing has returned

Thursday I wake up with that tingly feeling of excitement like peppermint on the back of my tongue. I have a day's worth of places to be and things to do before the show. As I rush from location to location getting all my errands done, I'm playing the upcoming groups in my CD player and remembering the first time I had seen the lead singer of Nickelback, Chad Kruger, in a video. I had made fun of him, thinking his long bearded face looked like a horse. In fact with that little mustache/goatee thing he had going on it made his mouth look like an butt hole. Just my observation.

I am running late and don't have time to stop at home and change out of my daisy duke cut off shorts into more dressy clothes before heading down to the city. That's ok, Hook Up tells me, he is taking me to a barbecue before the show. Good, baby better bring his platinum card as this monkay hasn't eaten all day and its feeding time.

We meet at the designated spot and he gives me my special pass necklace similar to the one he is wearing and we walk to the park were the picnic is to going on. My understanding this is a private party for people in the business, Hook Ups friends. Good thing we are slightly late as the serving line has slowed down and I don't have to wait long before I am piling food on my plates. Yes plates, this girl is hungry capital H. The line slows down by the grill as people are lingering there to chat with the cooks. I am rudely eating already as I stand in line waiting impatiently for my brauts and burgers. Finally the main cook holding the metal spatula greets me and asks if I want a burger or weenie. Why make me chose, I answer, I want two of each. Smirking he makes an off color comment about me making room for all his meat. Wise acre, hope he grills better than he dishes. Buy the way, his face kinda resembles a butt.

Instead of trying to make room at a table. Hook Up humors me and we plop down on the grass not far from the buffet line to make my trips back for seconds more convenient. As I am shoveling the food in my mouth in a very unlady like manner, Hook Up turns to me handing me a much needed napkin and tells me, "You sure amazed Chad with your appetite." Thinking Chad must be a co-worker I grunt my response as I continue to chew and consintrate on my food.

As I am wiping clean my plates, the cocky cook has left the serving line and is out smoozing. He comes over and holds out his hand to shake Hook Ups hand and thank us for coming, and then he congratulates me on my eating ability, and reaches out for my hand. I was not extending my hand to him but reaching over to grab Hook Ups unfinished desert, so instead of dropping the brownie, I distractedly answer, "Can't talk.. eating", in my Homer Simpson voice.

As we walk back to the stadium for the concert, Hook Up says to me, "Funny Monkay, I thought you would at least shake the lead singers hand." Shit. That was Chad as in Chad Kruger. I guess Hooks company did a radio promotion were you could win tickets to have a barbecue with the band. I was oblivious to everything at the paty but the grub.

The concert was a blast. I still managed to dance even with a stuffed belly along side the stage for the rest of the evening. Both groups rocked. At one point Chad between songs, says "You get your fill yet?" to the crowd and looked down directly at me and rubbed his belly and raised his hand up to me in a mock salute. Then he finished the show with "Too Damn Good".

Now his face reminds me of anything but a butt.